Over lunch the other day, a dear friend was talking about the fact that she has been caring for her mother since her dementia diagnosis 14 years ago. She shared key points in her journey, like when she moved her mother into residential care, and how now, many years later, her mother no longer recognizes her.

In her role, she does extensive public education on care for seniors. She told me that, in talking with another speaker she’ll be joining on a panel, she came to a remarkable realization. She was sharing with him some details of her mother’s journey and the grief she is feeling as she continues to watch her mother slowly die.

He reflected back to her that it must be difficult witnessing her mother’s decline and asked her what she was doing to support herself.

He suggested that being in a group of people going through similar circumstances might help her to feel heard and validated; that what she was going through was real and deserved attention.

She exclaimed, “I’ve always known about support groups and often refer others to them, but it never occurred to me how valuable a group of fellow dementia caregivers could be for me personally.”

When friends, family, or professionals gently point out the exhaustion, isolation, stress, or grief they see, caregivers may finally recognize what they’ve been minimizing. Sometimes it takes an outsider to say, “I can see how hard this is on you,” for the caregiver to pause and reflect.

Caregivers often feel guilty admitting that the role is overwhelming. Hearing others validate the difficulty gives them “permission” to acknowledge their own limits and needs.

Caregivers may think everyone else is managing just fine. When others acknowledge that this journey is tough, it normalizes asking for support. It reframes caregiving from being a solitary responsibility to being a community journey.

Encouragement or concern from someone trusted can be the nudge that finally pushes a caregiver to attend a support group. Sometimes it takes an outside perspective to turn quiet suffering into active problem-solving.

Support groups can help in several ways. Caregivers often feel isolated. In a support group, they connect with others who truly “get it.”  Sharing challenges and small victories can help reduce loneliness, guilt, and stress.

Members often exchange tips on daily care, handling behaviors, and navigating the healthcare system. At the same time, facilitators share local resources such as respite care, adult day programs, or end-of-life support.

Hearing that others face similar struggles helps caregivers realize they’re not failing — dementia caregiving is just hard. It normalizes asking for help and gives caregivers “permission” to take breaks.

Many groups include education on how dementia progresses and strategies for effective communication. This helps caregivers respond with more patience and confidence.

In a support group, participants build relationships and friendships that extend beyond the group. Having a safe and non-judgmental space to share feelings can be life-changing.

There are several resources locally for dementia support groups in our area. The Goebel Adult Community Center hosts a Dementia Grief Support Group on the 1st & 3rd Wednesdays, from 1:002:30 pm, which is facilitated by the Long Term Care Services of Ventura County Ombudsman Program. For more information, call 805-656-1986. Goebel also hosts an Alzheimer's Support Group on the 1st and 3rd Fridays, from 9:30-11:00 am. For more information, call 805-261-2189. Senior Concerns also runs several caregiver support groups, noted here https://www.seniorconcerns.org/programs/support-groups/.

Caregiving for a loved one with dementia is often described as a long and winding road — filled with moments of deep love, but also with exhaustion, worry, and heartache. Too often, caregivers walk that road silently, believing they must shoulder the entire burden alone.

That’s why it matters so much when someone on the outside reflects back what they see. A simple acknowledgment — “This must be really hard for you” — can be the mirror that allows a caregiver to recognize their own needs. It gives them permission to admit the struggle and opens the door to seeking support.

If you know someone caring for a loved one, don’t underestimate the power of your words. Your reflection may be the very spark that helps them reach out for help, find a support group, or discover they are not alone on this journey.