My friend recently shared with me that after making plans for her mother and father to come to her house for Christmas, they unexpectedly changed their mind and told her they weren’t coming.

The original plan was that one of her adult children would pick her parents up and make the hour drive to her house. They would stay a few days and join their daughter celebrating Christmas Eve with extended family a town over and then spend Christmas at her home with her family.

This had been their holiday ritual for years. As an only child, she looked forward to sharing holiday traditions with her parents.

My friend sounded so disheartened as she explained to me that her parents are in their late 80’s and may not have many more Christmas where they would be healthy enough and capable of visiting her home.

Right after the Thanksgiving holiday, while we were chatting on the phone, I asked my 90-year-old mother what she was doing.

She told me she was in the den in her recliner with her feet elevated. She explained that for the last few days her ankles were swollen and her legs felt tired.

She said, “Yesterday, I elevated my feet very high. The swelling has gone down a little, but one of my legs feels very heavy.”

She attributed it to too much salt.

When I explained to her that swollen feet and ankles and heaviness in her legs might be signs of a heart issue, she said ardently, “I know, I read that on the internet.”

Recently, my mother’s 88-year-old sister fell.

As she went down, her husband said, “You just broke your hip.”

I am not sure if being a medic in the army sixty years ago qualified him to make that diagnosis, but he was right.

My aunt and uncle live about 90 minutes from their only daughter, my cousin Beth.

As Beth rushed to the hospital, I am sure she was thinking of her mother, but also about her husband who was currently receiving chemotherapy and radiation for a tumor in his throat. He had been having an extremely difficult time eating and lost almost twenty pounds in a matter of weeks. The doctors were talking about inserting a feeding tube that week.

Beth arrived at the hospital and learned her mother’s surgeon wanted to perform a total hip replacement. They were checking her heart to ensure it was strong enough for the surgery.

Conversations with aging parents require compassion

I recently witnessed a conversation at a restaurant between a woman and her mother. The woman appeared to be in her fifties or sixties and her mother in her seventies or eighties.

The waitress was quickly listing the specials of the day, looking down at the table as she poured waters for the ladies.

The mother, who appeared to be having difficulty hearing the waitress, remained silent as she tried to piece together the jumbled words.

As the daughter waited, she used the situation to say, “See mom, this is why you should not be driving anymore, you can’t hear.

While a lot is being said these days about the effects of loneliness and social isolation on older adults’ mental and physical health, I am going to turn to the other side of the coin for a moment.

If you, like me, are an extrovert, and have a busy work and social life, some solitude or “me time” is not only a benefit, but also a requirement.

For all of us, life is a balancing act. I find that while I get energized from being around others, when there is too much of it, I begin to feel tired and stressed.

Fortunately, I naturally gravitate to things I can do solo when my social cup is overflowing.

It is my family’s belief that my mother is the best driver among us.

In addition to a spotless driving record, when she parks her car at her house, she must back into a tiny one car garage that has an unforgiving margin of error. None of us are willing to back her car in ourselves, for fear that we will break off one of her side mirrors.

We joke that when she fails to successfully back into her garage, we will know it’s time to take the keys away.

Just this year, my mother had to renew her driver’s license right before her 90^th birthday.

She completed the entire process online, no driving test, vision test or exam required. She resides in New Hampshire, so the rules for driver license renewals differ from here in California.

A few weeks ago, I attended the national conference of the Society for Certified Senior Advisors.

The Certified Senior Advisor (CSA)® credential can be earned by professionals by demonstrating their competence and knowledge in working with older adults. I have held this designation since 2008.

I attended the conference as part of my continuing education.

One of the sessions I attended was titled, The Case for Divorce Financial Planning.

It was presented by Carol Lee Roberts who is the President of the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts (IDFA). IDFA provides specialized training to accounting, financial, and legal professionals in the field of pre-divorce financial planning.

Many years ago, I volunteered at a hospital. 

One of my duties was filling in for the floor secretary (remember, it was years ago) when she went to lunch or was on break.

As part of the job, I had a copy of the census or a listing of all the patients on that floor, so that when a physician or lab tech came to see a patient, I could direct them to the right room.

Next to each patient’s name was their primary diagnosis.

Almost half of the patients had a diagnosis of sepsis. The Internet was not around at the time, and I left my encyclopedias at home with my parents when I graduated college, so I really had no way of knowing what sepsis was, but I could tell it was prevalent.

How old are you? 

Well, that depends on what’s being measured.

Aging is the process of getting older. Old age is less defined. People do not become "older" or "elderly" at any specific age.

Traditionally, age 65 has been designated as the beginning of older age, but as we experience longer life spans, this marker will likely be increased. For example, full retirement age for Social Security benefits has grown from age 65 to age 67 for those born in 1960 or later. 

Some say, "age is just a number" referring to the fact that person's age doesn't define who they or what they can still achieve. There are many ways to measure age, some more scientific than others.

The simplest and least scientific is chronological age,

I just returned from possibly the best vacation of my life.

The memories I brought back will stay with me forever.

The trip began with the culmination of six months of planning for a big catered backyard BBQ for my mom’s 90^th birthday. The tent was set, tables in place, the garden groomed, tribute table and wall of photos in place, and the buffet was laid out with everything from baby back ribs to lobster rolls.

Sixty friends and family gathered on a sunny New Hampshire afternoon to pay tribute to a woman who has provided a lifetime of care for those around her.

Guests came to the microphone to share their memories of how my mom touched their lives. Each story was a precious gift to my mom, my sisters and me.