Conversations with aging parents require compassion

I recently witnessed a conversation at a restaurant between a woman and her mother. The woman appeared to be in her fifties or sixties and her mother in her seventies or eighties.

The waitress was quickly listing the specials of the day, looking down at the table as she poured waters for the ladies.

The mother, who appeared to be having difficulty hearing the waitress, remained silent as she tried to piece together the jumbled words.

As the daughter waited, she used the situation to say, “See mom, this is why you should not be driving anymore, you can’t hear.

Many years ago, I volunteered at a hospital. 

One of my duties was filling in for the floor secretary (remember, it was years ago) when she went to lunch or was on break.

As part of the job, I had a copy of the census or a listing of all the patients on that floor, so that when a physician or lab tech came to see a patient, I could direct them to the right room.

Next to each patient’s name was their primary diagnosis.

Almost half of the patients had a diagnosis of sepsis. The Internet was not around at the time, and I left my encyclopedias at home with my parents when I graduated college, so I really had no way of knowing what sepsis was, but I could tell it was prevalent.

With the issue front and center in President Joe Biden's bid for reelection, discussions about age-related memory challenges are receiving much attention these days.

Here at Senior Concerns, we frequently hear these concerns. It is often the reason that someone reaches out to sign up for our free neuropsychologist-led memory screenings.

When people call, they say “I don’t remember information as well as I once did. Last week I could not remember where I parked the car in the mall parking lot,” or “I’m having difficulty coming up with the right word at the right moment, and the harder I try to remember, my brain locks up.” They want to be tested to see if their concern is warranted.

The cognitive test the neuropsychologist uses is a short, quick test to check how well a person’s brain is functioning. These tests don’t diagnose specific diseases. Instead, they identify a problem with cognition and the need for more in-depth testing.

Our body is a wonderous interconnected organism.

We learned that fact as kids. Remember that old song, “Dem Bones.” The leg bone's connected to the knee bone. The knee bone's connected to the thigh bone. The thigh bone's connected to the hip bone. Now shake dem skeleton bones!

As we get older, that system is more fragile, and when it is thrown out of balance, a warning, in the form of pain, may appear in a totally new place. That’s what happened to me.

At almost 66 years old, I have been fortunate to never have lower back pain. Until now.

Lying in bed hurts, sitting in a chair hurts, walking hurts and bending down to pick up something off the floor hurts. Not incapacitating hurt, but I certainly have new appreciation for the folks who have back pain in their lives.

I am unsure how it came to be, but over the last number of years I have become rather involved in the topic of end-of-life choices.

For one, I sit on the Steering Committee for the Ventura County Coalition for Compassionate Care (VCCCC), a nonprofit organization advocating for the discussion and documentation of end-of-life wishes.

One of our projects I am most proud of is a 15-minute public service video we produced with Kerri Kasem, the daughter of radio host Casey Kasem. Along with others in the video, she demonstrates the importance of making healthcare decisions in advance, documenting them, and discussing them with physicians and family. You can view the video at www.vcccc.org.

Secondly, I sit on the Clinical Ethics Advisory Committee for a local hospital.

I’d like to start a campaign to encourage older men to address their health issues with their doctor.

I have a dear sixty-something friend who recently expressed frustration because her husband refuses to get medical attention.  

Statistically, men are more likely than women to be stubborn about seeing a doctor, even when they are sick or in pain.

According to a Cleveland Clinic survey only 3 in 5 men go to the doctor for a routine check-up, and when something is wrong, 61% of men say it has to get unbearable before they'll go see a doctor.

This same study found that 72% of men would prefer to do household chores, like cleaning the bathroom or mowing the lawn, than go to the doctor.

When it comes to taking prescription medications, I am fortunate that I take only one medication and it’s a generic one.

I have taken this medication for years now. Each time I get a refill, I receive the same familiar yellow colored, flat oval tablet with tapered ends.

I don’t use a pill dispenser since I am only taking this one medication, once a day. I just combine the few supplements I take with my prescription medication in one bottle and each morning pop one of each into my mouth during my morning routine.

So, when I visited my mother recently, I was left speechless by the navigating she had to do in her medication journey.

My mother showed me a huge supply of pills that her online pharmacy has sent her, as well as some she received from her local CVS.

I call January my health month because it is when I schedule my annual doctor appointments, with my primary care physician as well as the specialists I see.

One certainty is that almost all of us will have an annual wellness exam or an appointment to address a specific health concern in the coming year.

No one ever teaches us how to prepare for these appointments, but it is important if you want to get the most out of your visit. Most physicians have limited time to devote to a patient visit, so being prepared and succinct can go a long way to getting your concerns addressed.

The first place I like to start is to have a list of my supplements and medications, with dosage levels, ready to hand to the doctor or nurse.

Many older adults are relieved that most people no longer feel the need to wear face masks.

The reason is one you may not suspect; Unmasking gives us the ability to lipread.

Lipreading is defined as the art of being able to see speech sounds. It is often called speechreading because people use other clues - such as facial expressions, gestures, and surroundings - to help them understand what is being said.

Most people who can hear clearly process some speech information by watching the moving mouth. In fact, in good conditions, about 40 percent of the sounds in the English language can be seen on the lips. Lipreading is very helpful in communicating during noisy situations.

Restaurant dining has always been a joyful experience for me.

In terms of aesthetics – at lunch, I enjoy the respite from my workday and at dinner, conversations with my husband or friends.

Regarding the food, in both cases I like trying new dishes as well as appreciating old favorites.

But in these last few years, something has changed with regards to my dining out; the amount of food I eat during those meals.

There was a time I could eat a whole sandwich at lunch or a full plate of pasta for dinner. Now, as I search menu options, I look for cups of soup, smaller appetizer portions, side salads or half orders of pasta.