Right after the Thanksgiving holiday, while we were chatting on the phone, I asked my 90-year-old mother what she was doing.

She told me she was in the den in her recliner with her feet elevated. She explained that for the last few days her ankles were swollen and her legs felt tired.

She said, “Yesterday, I elevated my feet very high. The swelling has gone down a little, but one of my legs feels very heavy.”

She attributed it to too much salt.

When I explained to her that swollen feet and ankles and heaviness in her legs might be signs of a heart issue, she said ardently, “I know, I read that on the internet.”

That got me to think that this problem was enough of a concern to her to break her routine and stay seated with her feet elevated and do some internet research on her symptoms.

I suggested that she call her doctor’s office and explain her symptoms to them and to not chalk it up to too much salt. I cautioned, “Just explain your symptoms and how long they have been going on and don’t diagnose yourself.” I asked her if she would call me after she had spoken to the doctor’s office.

My mother has a family history (both parents and siblings) of heart disease and heart attacks.

My mother called me an hour later and said she had spoken to a case manager at the doctor’s office. Because the case manager was unfamiliar with my mother as a patient, she was going to look at her chart and call her back.

The case manager called back and told my mother there was nothing in her chart that would indicate an underlying issue, but she would relay the situation to the doctor and call back if needed. She also offered my mother an in-person appointment, but she declined.

I have no idea if my mother has explained her family history to her physician or if it is in her chart, but that is a thought for another day.

A few hours later, my sister who lives a mile from my mother, called me. She had just come from visiting, and my mother informed her of her conversations with me and the doctor’s office earlier in the day.

My sister was frustrated that our mom had not spoken to her about her symptoms over the last few days, when my sister had visited with her multiple times. She told me she believed my mother’s condition was due to her being on her feet a lot over the Thanksgiving holiday – making dozens of cookies, cooking the Thanksgiving turkey, and making turkey soup.

So, here we have it, three opinions – my mother’s belief that her condition was due to too much salt, my concern about it being related to a heart issue, and my sister attributing it to too much time on her feet.

Any one of them could be correct, or it may be something totally different. If my mother or sister were right, her condition should improve with a diet of low salt and rest. If my concerns were correct, we may have had a much bigger problem on our hands.

There is some great learning in this situation.

When dealing with an older loved one’s symptoms, it’s important to approach the situation carefully and thoughtfully. Jumping to conclusions can lead to unnecessary worry or misdiagnosis.

Here are some steps you can take to better understand what might be going on:

• Gather all the information on your loved one’s symptoms and write it down. This can help avoid assumptions.
• Try not to diagnose their condition.
• Suggest they seek professional advice by consulting with their doctor’s office.
• Be understanding that age-related changes may be at play. It’s important to differentiate between what's expected for their age and what could be a sign of a medical condition.
• Lastly, respect your loved one’s autonomy. Approach the situation with empathy and understanding.

By following these steps, all of us can ensure that we are taking a thoughtful approach to our older loved one’s health and avoiding assumptions that might lead to unnecessary stress for everyone.