While a lot is being said these days about the effects of loneliness and social isolation on older adults’ mental and physical health, I am going to turn to the other side of the coin for a moment.

If you, like me, are an extrovert, and have a busy work and social life, some solitude or “me time” is not only a benefit, but also a requirement.

For all of us, life is a balancing act. I find that while I get energized from being around others, when there is too much of it, I begin to feel tired and stressed.

Fortunately, I naturally gravitate to things I can do solo when my social cup is overflowing.

For example, most days I spend lunchtime by myself eating my lunch and reading a novel. I have done this for years. It is my little respite during a generally busy day.

For me, reading is soothing and relaxing and gives my brain a chance to imagine versus react. It allows my brain to be creative as I envision the different story components – the settings, characters, events, and even objects that are described in the book. 

Reading requires my brain to work in a different way from social interactions where I am busy interpreting other’s gestures, postures, words, and tone.

For alone time, I also love my morning walks. I do my best thinking then and just take in the nature around me. Friends have asked me to join them on walks, and while that is enjoyable as a change of pace, I really prefer the peace that comes from my solo morning walk.

For other solo activities, I sit in my backyard and listen to the birds. I find that birdsong helps reduce my stress. And I love watching the hawks riding the thermal currents, majestically soaring.

It’s hard to turn my brain off, (I have never been good at meditation), but I find when watching the hawks, I automatically take a break from thinking.

While it is not quite the same as fully turning my brain off to stimulation, I really enjoy being able to watch a television show that I like when my husband goes upstairs to bed. It may be a cooking show, or an old "Dick Van Dyke Show" rerun, or even a "Chicago Med", but that solo time in front of the TV just brings me such joy.

Solitude has a healing effect on me. It allows me to quiet my mind and recenter and recharge.

It’s always good to check in with yourself when you are sensing you are out of sorts. If you are feeling stressed, short-tempered, anxious, or overwhelmed and have been spending a lot of time around people, or even one person, you just may need a break from all the stimulation.

During COVID, several friends complained that while they were isolated at home with their loved ones, they missed their alone time.

I also hear this same lament from friends who are recently retired. While the couple used to be separated for hours each day while one or both were at work, their new retirement routine puts them together all day long, and that can be exhausting.

While alone time can be restorative, some extroverts find it hard to be on their own in social situations. Friends used to question how I could dine alone or attend a movie by myself while visiting a new town for work. I could tell from their questioning they either found this socially unacceptable or the thought of doing so made them anxious.  

If you aren’t used to solitude, it can be awkward or unnerving at first. But the benefits of having time for ourselves is the key to balancing our emotional needs. 

What do you do for your time alone?