When I consider the word “home” it conjures up a safe haven. A place where one can live alone or with loved ones and a place to enjoy with friends. It’s a place to build memories and a place where we can truly just be ourselves.
It is easy to see why aging in place, or remaining in our home as we age, has such an allure. Also, as my mom tells me, “When you get old, like I am, you just don’t like a lot of change.”
That makes a lot of sense logically until it doesn’t. Life, especially at an older age, often brings with it physical changes and sometimes cognitive ones that challenge our assumptions about our home being a safe haven.
When stairs become a problem in reaching your bedroom, bathroom or laundry room, or when you are unable to enter your bathtub due to balance issues, or you must commit to a life of social isolation because you can no longer hear the telephone or doorbell ring; these unthinkable changes can make a home a dangerous place to be.
I have found there are a select few who have thought through what might happen to them and make plans accordingly. It would be a lot easier if there were a predictable linear progression of aging and changes that we could anticipate now and plan for, but that is not reality.
There is no magic calendar that tells us when to move or seek help. Months turn into years, years into decades, and we continue in our environment because it once was a safe haven, a place where we built memories, and frankly we just don’t want change.
That is why Margo is terrified because her husband with dementia has escaped the house in the middle of the night. Or Clara, an only child living hours away, has sleepless nights thinking about her mother with a recently broken hip navigating her home. Or Bob who nervously follows his wife with Parkinson’s around the house to ensure she doesn’t fall.
No one should have to live with fear, anxiety, or worry, but it happens all too often when we don’t think about and plan for an environment that offers support when we are in need. That environment could be many things, an in-home family or paid caregiver, a move to live with an adult child, or a move to an assisted living facility.
I have a 90-year-old relative, where both she and her husband have several physical issues, telling me they just intend to take care of each other, that is their plan. In their case, the only person that plan hurts is their adult child who will have to jump in and handle whatever crisis occurs, and there have been many already.
I certainly understand that it is not easy or pleasant to think about these things and it can be uncomfortable talking to family about them, but if you are reading this and have not given consideration to your long-term plan if you choose to age in place, you are setting your loved ones up for a very difficult time.
Having money to address the situation is only part of the solution. We buy insurance to mitigate risk – auto insurance, home insurance, even long-term care insurance. Anyone who has filed a major claim with any of them will tell you the leg work required to actually address the situation, even when the money is there, it is not easy, it is often a long road filled with many choices.
If you plan to age in place, it would be the greatest gift to your loved ones to come up with a plan if at some point you are having difficulty. Senior Concerns social workers are available to help by talking through options.