Caregiver guilt is one of those quiet feelings that rarely gets named out loud, yet so many people carry it.

It shows up in small moments - a thought that lingers after you leave a loved one’s home, a second-guessing of a decision, a subtle feeling that no matter what you’re doing, it’s not quite enough.

And perhaps the hardest part is this: the guilt shows up even when you’re doing what’s actually needed in the moment.

I was reminded of this recently after a caregiving talk.

Caregiver guilt is one of those quiet feelings that rarely gets named out loud, yet so many people carry it.

It shows up in small moments - a thought that lingers after you leave a loved one’s home, a second-guessing of a decision, a subtle feeling that no matter what you’re doing, it’s not quite enough.

And perhaps the hardest part is this: the guilt shows up even when you’re doing what’s actually needed in the moment.

I was reminded of this recently after a caregiving talk.

My mother’s recent visit from New Hampshire was one of the highlights of my year thus far, but I can’t help but feel some guilt as I look back upon her stay.

Before she came, I was committed to finding the perfect balance between making her visit enjoyable and special, while at the same time respecting that at 88 years of age she needed some rest, too.

Prior to seeing me, she spent a week with my sister in Del Mar. They dined out, went shopping, visited with friends, got a manicure, and toured San Diego Zoo Safari Park.  

A week later, my mother arrived at my house with my sister and her husband, the day before the Senior Concerns gala.

Attending the gala was fun and exciting for my mom, but also exhausting. She stuck to the couch the next two days, recovering from overstimulation and a very late night.